Have you also wondered why men don’t want to compromise? This is a frequent complaint in the visits I make. Women with a great feeling of frustration, discouragement and even guilt for not having a more stable relationship. However, I ask another question that goes further: why do you get involved with people who are not committed?

The fact that men are not committed does not mean that there is something wrong with you, but that something is going unnoticed and disturbing your affective life.

There are many dynamics of situations and relationships that we create in our lives and we don’t even notice. They are like films that we have repeatedly put together and re-enacted, with different scenarios and characters, but with the same structure and movement. One of these films may be precisely one in which you only get involved with partners who are not committed to a more serious relationship and in which even the women around you are also disappointed by the lack of commitment, bringing you more and more hopelessness. A film in which men don’t really want to date or marry.

If you need a partner to be happy and transfer the responsibility for your happiness to your partner (your satisfaction depends on him, his choices and attitudes), this will be captured – consciously or unconsciously – by the other, who may not want to bear this “weight”. Or the person may decide to appropriate and use this power that you give him as he sees fit, after all, you yourself gave that right by your free choice. His desire to live a relationship is exacerbated and becomes a necessity.

Seeing that everyone is dating, getting married and having children can awaken an emptiness and a demand for you to follow the same path to feel “normal”. Once again the desire for an affective relationship becomes unbalanced, becoming a burden, a need, which is felt consciously or not by the partner.

Being happy is a choice that needs to be redone every moment. If an unpleasant situation happened to you, there is no point in feeling victimized. However strong this circumstance is, it is necessary to seek your deepest desire to be happy and from it determine for yourself that no matter how many times you need to “live the wrong movie”, after all, your choice is to be happy and nothing will get out of it. We usually let ourselves be overcome by sadness and hopelessness, or refuse to accept and make the necessary changes, hoping that something or someone out there will prove that it will be possible to be happy in love and the changes will happen by themselves. However, only you have this power yourself. And if you depend exclusively on a partner for this, it is because you are choosing to be so.

Even though the figure of the partner who does not want to compromise is everywhere, just remember that there are, yes, those people who are always dating and have no problem finding partners who want to commit. Are they better than you? No. They just chose and stayed in a different film than yours. I agree that most people today live the “script” of uncompromising and it even hinders our movement to change the film we live in, because when we only see the same thing, we begin to doubt that it is possible to experience something different. But it is only a matter of choice to be strong until you can make that change, effectively seeking to harmonize in truth and in truth. Refuse to continue as the victim of your own emotional dissatisfaction film.

Try to understand the dynamics that lead you to the film of lack of commitment and transform it. Be an agent of your own happiness, overcoming each of the disappointments and doubts that get in the way, until you are able to completely reprogram your film. Stay strong, believing that people can commit and that you will, yes, be happy in love. And as difficult as it may be, never let that belief die, because it will feed your strength when you need it.

Acquântica therapist, she assists in person in Rio de Janeiro, São Paulo and at a distance. She is the author of the book Para que o Amor Aconteça, from the Personare Collection. know more